Eyes On Your Own Work

I have a private client who is constantly comparing herself to other people. Often it's me, celebrities, or herself 30 years ago, but the main thing she says - and she says this at least once every session - is "do you think other people go through this?" By which she means a dizzy spell, or a moment of forgetfulness, or her latest health concern.

Now, this woman has a lot of physical issues (and, well, other issues too) and on the face of it I think that question is an attempt to find some inclusiveness and affirmation - she's trying to feel less alone, basically, in a body she feels continually lets her down. I absolutely understand that. It's an entirely natural impulse and should certainly not be condemned. But when combined with comparing oneself to others ... here's the thing: you have no idea what's going on inside someone. Many health problems do not manifest outwardly, and certainly mental or emotional problems tend to be invisible as well. You never know what kind of pain an outwardly "perfect" person might be hiding, and you also never know what they might be envying about you. My client can afford multiple personal training sessions every week and I don't think she's ever had a day job - I know a lot of people who would give up pretty much every enviable thing about themselves in exchange for that kind of security.

So rather than feeling bad about yourself because [insert your reason here], why not celebrate yourself for what is good? Whether it's your multiple college degrees, your children, or your absurdly delicious banana bread just find the good in yourself. Be proud of it, nurture it, and it will expand and grow and create more good things. Focus on your own good, and other people's good will stop feeling like a punch in the face.

The problem with comparisons is that they are almost never neutral - to compare yourself to someone is to initiate a competition in which no one ever wins, because either you decide that the other person is better than you and then you feel bad or you decide that you yourself are better and then what? What have you really achieved from that?

Some people derive their motivation from comparing themselves to others, and to those people I say: go on ahead with yourselves. Just be careful. Keep it healthy. Let yourself aspire but don't beat yourself up if you don't quite get there, and know when you've taken yourself as far as you realistically need to go.

And to those of you who find yourselves lacking next to seemingly everyone else: you are good. You are enough. You have beauty, and you have something to offer. I promise.

Tomorrow is Foodie Wednesday! I will see you then.

- Sarah